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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22738528">It's a Process</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/wonderlandiscrumbling/pseuds/wonderlandiscrumbling'>wonderlandiscrumbling</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Hunter and the Wolf [9]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Fright Night (2011), Underworld (Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Depression, Drama, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sexual Content, mentions of alcoholism and drug abuse, mentions of suicide and self-harm</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 18:36:00</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>18,074</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22738528</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/wonderlandiscrumbling/pseuds/wonderlandiscrumbling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It's impossible to not take note of Peter's increasingly harmful behaviors. Lucian knows there's going to be a breaking point to it and worries how bad the aftermath will be.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Lucian (Underworld)/Peter Vincent</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Hunter and the Wolf [9]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1660111</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>46</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I know it's been awhile and this isn't terribly long, but there will be chapters to this one. Not quite sure how many, but I do have a plan with this.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Lucian realized an hour into the show as he sat in the crowded theater why he often refused to come see Peter’s shows. He glanced over to the two young women next to him who stared in lustful delight at his boyfriend who insisted on being on stage and playing monster hunter as if it were all fictional. He couldn’t help his eye roll of annoyance as he fished a hair tie out of the pocket of his jeans and began pulling his hair back to tie it up just to give himself something to do. It wasn’t like he really wanted to be here, but Peter’s behavior had been becoming increasingly alarming over the past month or perhaps he was just now catching onto it. From the moment they had met Peter had been walking wreckage, the type of human that Lucian would have never wasted his time or energy on, and yet here he was. He cared so intensely that it made him nearly ill, he’d almost forgotten how painful it was to be in love. </p><p>He watched as Peter continued on with his façade of being a well-adjusted brooding hunter with no time for friends or lovers, dedicating his existence to fighting vampires and demons. He wondered for a moment if his boyfriend was taking the piss out of him with his new act, he was fine not knowing. He just knew once this was over, he’d meet him backstage before any of his entourage had the chance to lead him to the nearest bar. That seemed to be where the problems started, Peter’s lacking ability to say no to a drink or to a line of coke. Some days Lucian wasn’t quite sure that Peter was an addict in terms of substance, he seemed to be addicted to chasing a feeling whether that be fake happiness or a heavy numbness. Lucian only knew about drugs through his coexistence along humans, he supposed the high from drugs was similar to the high that blood gave him. Except he didn’t find himself hunting out victims to feed on, not anymore, he tried to live more normally ever since getting involved with Peter. Baby steps really, adjusting to eating real meals once they’d moved in together instead of eating like a starved dog, or starved wolf he supposed. It frustrated him that Peter didn’t do the same, that despite being together for a little over a year now Peter still behaved in mostly the same way as he had when they initially met. There was a constant sense that he was being kept at arm’s length, if he drew too close to him then he was shoved away or brushed off. Peter liked to hide behind his humor and his occasionally crude temper, it did get tiring, but he refused to abandon him. He knew how pitiful that would appear to anybody from the outside looking in, a part of him from long ago was enraged at the situation, at him for being with a mortal especially with one so immensely flawed. </p><p>That buried feeling of resentment and disgust frightened him, he felt guilty for it. He’d forgotten just how complicated it was to love and care for another living being, it was alarming that shot of panic he felt anytime Peter got injured or came home dangerously intoxicated, it scared him more thinking of him just not making it back home from one of his nights out with people he alleged were friends. </p><p>The house lights coming on pulled him from his increasingly dark thoughts, he let out a sigh of relief as he got up and made his way towards backstage. He felt like he’d been in this theater for hours, two technically which was already far too many. He couldn’t be angry that Peter had something he enjoyed doing and it seemed to more than afford him the luxurious lifestyle he preferred, Lucian could never imagine him throwing away a penthouse for less than high end living. He smiled to himself thinking about how much he’d complain if they lived isolated or in a small town, not that he himself wanted to reside in a small town, he learned a couple hundred years ago that they tend to ask far too many questions for his liking.</p><p>Backstage he found several women already crowding around Peter, he felt the slightest pang of jealousy watching a woman with dark brown hair rubbing her hand along his arm as his partner removed his wig and fake facial hair. He thought about the other night, the lipstick on his neck, the unmistakable scent of perfume and desire that clung to him. Lucian shoved past them, they awkwardly backed away when Lucian wrapped his arms around Peter’s waist pulling him close against himself. Peter’s eyes lit up, an amused smile on his face as he noted the barely hidden jealously in his boyfriend’s eyes. </p><p>“Let me guess, you’re here to tell me how much you loved my show and that you take back every rude thing you’ve said about my acting and job choice for the past year.” Peter spoke hopefully as he pressed a kiss against his jaw.</p><p>“Not in a million years.”</p><p>Peter sighed pulling back, “Be nice if you could be a decent boyfriend and lie to me every now and again. This truth thing with you is rather terrible for my ego y’know.” He said turning his back to him to begin wiping away the crudely drawn tattoos that adorned his skin.</p><p>Lucian placed his hands on his hips pressing himself against his back, he pressed a kiss against his shoulder as he watched his reflection in the vanity mirror. </p><p>“Too many people stroke your ego.” He muttered before pressing another kiss against bare skin.</p><p>“That’s all they’re stroking despite your belief.” He bit back.</p><p>“Promise?”</p><p>Peter nodded, “Hey look I am sorry about lately, I know I’ve been a complete fucking asshole.”</p><p>Lucian didn’t argue with him, he had been a complete asshole. </p><p>“I…. Hey, I have this cabin, bought it ages ago while drunk. It’s in the backwoods, I was thinking maybe we could go there for a few days.”</p><p>The offer caught him off guard, he rested his chin on his shoulder studying his face in the mirror. He could see and feel how anxious he was, there was something going on with him that he of course wasn’t offering to share. Lucian already knew a few days out of Vegas was just another way for Peter to distract himself from whatever was going on, but at the same time being isolated would keep Peter away from prostitutes and his adoring fans who wanted to ply him with liquor and cocaine before trying to have sex with him.</p><p>“That sounds like a good idea, I think it would be good to get away from all of this.” He said glancing around at the people around them who made a point of ignoring them.</p><p>Peter smiled taking hold of his hand bringing up to his lips pressing a kiss against the back of it. “Thank you and hey I won’t even drink while we’re there.”</p><p>“Really?”</p><p>“Yeah, I know you hate it.” He admitted.</p><p>“I worry, that’s all.” </p><p>Peter turned around to face him, he placed a hand against his cheek his fingers stroking against his skin. “Gonna age you horribly if you keep worrying about me like that.” He spoke softly before kissing him.</p><p>It was impossible not to worry, he didn’t enjoy the worrying or the fears that lingered in his mind. He didn’t enjoy the sharp panic at ever losing him, there was a joy in knowing they would be away from the noise and the people for a few days. He hoped Peter would open up to him, tell him about whatever things he’d been hiding from him for their relationship, but he already knew that was asking for too much. He’d happily settle for a few days in the woods with him, he knew he’d be safe away from all this.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He hadn’t been lying when he’d said that he’d purchased the cabin while completely off his ass. It had been a very spur of the moment decision after hours of website hopping one night, it had seemed like a good idea to purchase a cabin outside of Elko, Nevada until he’d sobered up then he realized it was an incredibly stupid idea. He didn’t even like the outdoors, but then he’d gotten incredibly drunk once again and realized an isolated cabin meant partying as much as he wanted with as many drugs as he wanted without worrying about the cops being called. That had of course lead to a week  straight of being holed up in the cabin with Ginger and eight other people that neither of them exactly knew, they’d had enough narcotics and alcohol to last them through the world ending, occasionally somebody would go out and get food. He had very vague memories of their time in the cabin, he knew he’d gotten laid a lot that week, which to him made it a good week.</p><p>It was weird returning so long later, now sober, and not with Ginger or any other of his group he’d formed in Vegas. It wasn’t a bad sort of weird feeling, just weird in its own special way. He glanced over at Lucian who was looking at the cabin, his face unreadable as it mostly was.</p><p>“Nice isn’t it? It’s kind of Evil Dead meets Cabin in the Woods minus all the zombies.” Peter said as he wrapped an arm around his waist.</p><p>“How drunk were you when you bought this place?”</p><p>“Extremely,” he said as he led him up to the front porch. </p><p>He’d nearly sold the place after the weeklong party; he hadn’t been sure there was a use for it. Then of course he’d forgotten to sell it, then he forgot he’d purchased it, but lately he’d been thinking about this place out in the middle of nowhere. </p><p>The inside of the cabin was much cleaner than it had been when he’d left it, he’d nearly forgotten how nice the place was. It wasn’t too small, enough room for a small group of people; to the left of the front door was the small living room set up, a loveseat and two recliners on either side of it, a flat screen mounted to the wall. To the right was the dining room and kitchenette which he already knew were barren, nobody he’d brought along could cook and none of them bothered much with food. Further back was a door leading to a master bedroom, off of that was a bathroom, and then a guest room off to the left of that. The cabin had a homey feeling to it, it was comforting, but at the same time made his skin itch. He knew it had just been a place to get high before, except now he was incredibly sober. The worst part was he wasn’t sure when the last time he’d been completely sober was, he was pretty sure it was about one or two months ago. Either way he knew he was long overdue for a bout of sobriety, especially considering being in a relationship for once.</p><p>He watched Lucian as he entered the cabin taking in their new temporary surroundings, a small part of him worried he wouldn’t like it, that a few days with him sober would make him realize how colossal of a mistake it is to be in love with him.</p><p>“You like it?” He asked, a slight hesitation to his tone.</p><p>Lucian turned to him softly smiling, “It’s great, it’s a lot better shape than I expected when you told me it was a drunken purchase.” He confessed as he wrapped his arms around his waist pulling him against himself in a tight embrace. Peter smiled relaxing in his embrace as the older man kissed the top of his head. </p><p>“Trust me it didn’t look this good when we left it after that party.” </p><p>Thank God for local cleaning services.</p><p>Lucian kissed the top of his head again before pulling away from him, he went to explore the rest of the cabin while Peter brought in the sparse amount of luggage, they’d brought with them leaving it off in the master bedroom. </p><p>“There’s no food here.” Lucian called from the kitchen.</p><p>Peter found him going through the cabinets which just like the fridge were barren. “Yeah well none of us could cook, we’d just send the most sober one of us to buy something quick.”</p><p>It had worked out well except for the poor bastard who had to spend the party sober so that they could do random runs for a group of intoxicated idiots.</p><p>“I can always see if they get Uber eats out here, I doubt it though, there’s only like nine-hundred people in the town. We could always go out to eat, get some groceries tomorrow, bit late now.” </p><p>He loathed the idea of going into a small town, they were never his favorite thing especially in Nevada. He noticed the small towns seemed to have a mindset that it was still the 1940s.</p><p>“Tomorrow problem then.” Lucian agreed as he closed the last cabinet. He glanced out the window above the kitchen sink out towards the darkened woods.</p><p>“Hey, I was thinking we could play a game outside, might be fun.” Peter suggested, he took hold of his hand leading him out of the kitchen and to the front door.</p><p>“Does this have anything to do with having sex outside?” He asked smirking as he was led outside.</p><p>It was incredible how clean the air was out here, it made him feel awake and alert being out here in the silence. He’d been worried it would cause him to panic, to feel suffocated, but so far, he felt free at least for the mean time that was. He led him out towards the tree line.</p><p>“We could have sex outside, it’s definitely not off the table, also the kitchen table is another place we could fuck, just putting that out there.” He said wrapping his arms around his neck, Lucian placed his hands on his hips keeping him close. “I was thinking we could play tag.”</p><p>“Tag?”</p><p>“Sure, could be fun, see if you can catch me.”</p><p>Lucian laughed, “I don’t think there’s an if there, what do I get when I catch you?”</p><p>Peter kissed him slowly nipping at his bottom lip. “Me….Course I could also pay for dinner tomorrow if I’m not enough.” He teased, he smirked when Lucian grabbed his ass. </p><p>“you’re more than enough. I’ll give you a ten second head start.” He said kissing him again before letting him go.</p><p>Peter glanced back at him over his shoulder one last time before jogging off into the woods. He retrieved his phone from his pocket flicking on the flashlight to help him make his way through the tangles of trees and bushes that littered the area. He gave a momentary pause when he heard a not so far off wolf growl.</p><p>“Cheat!” He shouted back as he began picking up his pace moving from a jog into a full on run, he flicked off his flashlight as he continued racing through the trees making turns to avoid being caught in less than a minute, the last thing he needed was Lucian gloating that he could catch him in under a minute with a head start.</p><p>He only slowed when he couldn’t hear heavy breaths or the loud pounding of massive paws against the ground. He took a moment to take a breath before slowly making his way to a small stream. Despite the fact he was currently in a situation countless blond-haired girls in horror movies were in before getting killed he felt safe and comfortable, felt nearly at home away from people who expected too much from him. Besides he was in the woods with the largest predator in the sort of animal kingdom, he laughed to himself thinking about it, that the guy he was dating wasn’t even a human. It used to bother him a bit, made him worry he was breaking some flimsy moral code by falling in love with Lucian. It was easier just to love him, besides he knew he could trust him, that was something he’d not been able to say in such a long time. He knelt next to the stream dragging his fingertips through the chilly clear water that rippled through between stones. He felt content and happy, he knew that was one of a million reasons he was fucking it up so terribly. He wasn’t sure how to handle being happy, when he’d been with Ginger, they’d tolerated each other, they benefited each other but never in a way that wasn’t toxic. Now he was in what he was quite sure was a real adult relationship, he felt stupid. He wasn’t sure what it said about Lucian that he was willing to be with him, to toss away whatever his plans had been after his temporary death to be with him. He supposed he should feel honored, but instead it felt like a lot of pressure, pressure to be better, to be good enough for a man like him. </p><p>The sound of crunching twigs caught his attention, he stood up not bothering to turn around. “Took you long enough.” </p><p>He smiled when a pair of familiar arms wrapped around his waist, eyes closing as he felt a warm body pressing up against his back and hot breath against the side of his neck. “Only three minutes.”</p><p>“Not sure I want to count it with you going all wolf like that, bit of a disadvantage for me y’know.” </p><p>“I didn’t feel like being patient.” He muttered as he brushed his lips against the side of Peter’s neck.</p><p>He closed his eyes leaning back against the firm body behind him, he idly stroked his fingers along his forearm shivering slightly at the scratch of facial hair against sensitive skin followed by sharpened teeth nipping. “Like when you’re not patient.” Peter whispered, he reached back stroking his fingers through long locks of dark hair, Lucian sucked against his neck as his hands made their way down to his hips his fingers pushing up under his shirt. </p><p>Peter turned around to face him, smirking as he took in the sight of the beautiful naked creature standing before him. “Fuck you’re beautiful.” He breathed out. He wasn’t sure he’d ever get used to his beauty, the fact that he was his and his alone.</p><p>Lucian closed the small distance between them, he grabbed at the hem of Peter’s shirt pulling it up, Peter took the hint and took it off the rest of the way tossing it to the ground. Lucian placed one hand against the back of his neck, calloused fingers stroking against his skin, his other hand moving to press and rub against the growing bulge in the front of his jeans. Peter leaned in kissing him hard, he moaned as he was backed up against a nearby tree, Lucian’s firm body pressing flush against his. He cursed against his lips as he heard the metal clanking of his belt being undone followed by his zipper, a second later fingers that knew his body well were wrapped around his cock giving him a firm squeeze that caused him to moan. Lucian’s thumb circled the tip of his cock stroking across his slit, he bit and sucked against his bottom lip before moving to his jaw, lips just barely grazing against his skin. Peter’s knees felt like they wanted to buckle, his boyfriend’s body pinning him against the tree about the only thing keeping him from collapsing as he switched from firm strokes to teasing touches as his fingers brushed along the underside of his cock.</p><p>“Tell me what you want.” He whispered against his ear; breath hot against his skin. Peter groaned as he felt him suck against his earlobe.</p><p>“You sucking my cock.” The request came out more so like begging, he could feel him smirking against the side of his neck.</p><p>He watched as Lucian lowered himself to his knees before him, hands against his hips, his thumbs gently stroking his pale skin as he stared up at him. Peter swallowed hard, he reached down stroking his fingers against his cheek unsure how to even begin to describe the look of immense lust and love he saw in the eyes that were staring up at him. He tangled his fingers in his hair giving a hard tug, the lycan smirked up at him as he leaned forward flicking his tongue teasingly against the tip of his cock before taking it into his mouth. He wrapped his fingers around his base slowly stroking him as he continued to teasingly suck against the head of his cock, tongue flicking across his tip. Peter dug his nails in against his scalp, rocking his hips needing to feel more of that wet heat on him. He whined in frustration, Lucian slowly took more of his length into his mouth, tongue running along the underside as he hummed around him. Peter leaned his head back against the tree, eyes closed as moans and praises fell from his lips. He loved not having to worry about anybody hearing them, unlike any of their sessions in public restrooms or lifts or in alleyways. He gave a roll of his hips pressing in further until his cock was almost completely in his mouth, down his throat. Lucian adjusted his position, fingers stroking along Peter’s balls as he bobbed his head along his length going from deep throating to only having the head of his cock in his mouth. Peter glanced down at him, cock twitching at seeing those eyes still focused on him, their color lighter, less human than they’d been a minute before. It should be something that bothered him, turned him off, but it didn’t. There was something arousing about that loss of control, the flash of vibrant eyes, the graze of fangs against his neck, sharpened nails scratching down his back. </p><p>“Fuck” He shouted out, grip tightening in his hair as he came into his mouth. </p><p>Lucian kept one hand on the small of his back keeping him close, the other on his cock as he worked him through his orgasm swallowing his release. Peter’s grip in his hair relaxed as he came down, he stroked his fingers through his hair feeling nearly apologetic for how hard he’d been pulling at it. Lucian slowly pulled off of him, tongue swiping across his bottom lip catching what drops of cum he hadn’t swallowed. Those eyes were still locked on him, that same intensity that filled him with fear and arousal. Peter kicked his jeans off the rest of the way, he lowered himself to his knees placing his hands on his shoulders and pushing him back onto the ground. He straddled his lap as he leaned down kissing him, tongue pressing into his mouth stroking against his tasting himself in Lucian’s mouth sending a dull shock of arousal through his body. He felt sharp nails dragging down his back, he rolled his hips pressing against him feeling his hard cock brushing against his stomach, the friction drawing a growl like moan from the man under him. </p><p>Peter pulled away from the kiss, he reached over grabbing his jeans, he reached into the pocket pulling out a small container of lube holding it up for the other man to see. He kissed him again before Lucian could comment on his constant need to prepare on the just in case, they had sex in some random location, Peter wasn’t sure there was a place in Vegas they hadn’t fucked. </p><p>He kissed along his neck biting and sucking against his skin leaving marks in his wake as he wrapped lube coated fingers around his cock slowly stroking him, Lucian thrusting into his fist. He trailed kisses across his chest, tongue flicking against his right nipple then the left. He moaned feeling fingers in his hair, claw like nails scratching at his scalp careful not to be too rough. Peter gripped the base of his cock, he lifted himself up and slowly lowered himself down onto his length, eyes closed as he moaned at the feeling of being slowly filled and stretched by his partner’s cock. Lucian’s hands immediately went to his hips, grip bruising and tight as he held his body down against him, slowly thrusting deep inside him. Peter leaned his forehead against his chest his moans breathy and deep as he rolled his hips rocking back against the cock filling him so perfectly. He placed his hands against his sides lifting himself just an inch before thrusting back down. Lucian’s hands roamed along his back, claws leaving light red lines across his skin as he met each of his thrust. Peter’s lips found his again, their kiss hungry and messy, a desperation to it as Peter gripped his shoulders. </p><p>There was a possessiveness in the way Lucian touched him, in the way lips and fangs trailed across his shoulder and to his neck, the way the palm of his hand rested against the small of his back keeping him close. He knew he’d be littered in marks from this and he was fine with that, anything that reminded him of Lucian, of being the one person he chose to love despite his faults. </p><p>Peter buried his face against the side of his neck, teeth biting and sucking against his skin as he reached between them taking hold of his own hard cock stroking himself in time with their increasingly frantic pace. He moaned loudly as he felt nails breaking the skin on his back, Lucian’s lips against the top of his head, whispers of praise, love, and adoration that filled him with emotions that were all too conflicting. Hands on his hips kept him pressed down as Lucian fucked into him at a harder pace, Peter’s name falling from his lips like the most sinful prayer imaginable as he came inside him filling him with his release, his rough frantic touching turning into something softer and more gentle. More whispered praises and words of love were enough to push Peter into his second orgasm of the night, his release spilling over his hand and onto his lover’s stomach. He collapsed against him breathing heavily, nuzzling against his chest. Lucian soothingly rubbed at his back, the air around them that a minute ago was heavy and thick with lust and need turned to something calmer and easier to breathe in. </p><p>“That was fucking incredible.” Peter commented after a couple minutes of comfortable silence.</p><p>“It was, I thought it would at least be a day or two before we fucked out here.” </p><p>Peter pulled himself onto his knees to better look down at him, “Gotta know me better than that, not saying we can’t do this more often though.” He had to admit it was more enjoyable when sober and with this creature he trusted with his life. He leaned down gently kissing him.</p><p>Lucian lovingly stroked his fingers against his cheek, “I love you” </p><p>“I love you too”</p><p>He remembered when those three words were terrifying, when he’d not been sure he could love, when he’d been beyond certain that Lucian would mock him and just walk out on him. He still feared everything that came with those three words, the promises that came along with saying such a thing and meaning it, the promises he knew he broke often. </p><p>“Do you think I’d make a good lycan?” He asked after a short moment of silence.</p><p>Lucian stared silently up at him for a moment before laughing, not exactly the response he’d expected. “God no,” he responded after composing himself for the most part.</p><p>“Why not?” Peter asked leaning down nipping at his bottom lip.</p><p>“You are the most stubborn people I’ve met; you’d be an absolute nightmare to train and get to calm.” </p><p>“Aw c’mon I’m not that hard to train, you just don’t try enough.” He teased.</p><p>Lucian pushed him onto his back climbing on top of him, he placed a hand against his throat holding him against the ground as he leaned down kissing him slowly. He momentarily wondered if they could go for a round three out here. </p><p>“What’s with the sudden interest?” He asked as he pressed a kiss against his jaw.</p><p>“Just thinking…..It’s gotta be lonely, not having others like you around.”</p><p>“It can be.” He agreed before resuming kissing along his jaw.</p><p>There were times Peter felt so very tired of being human, he knew how limited his existence was, and more often now than before he thought about how much easier it would be to protect others if he were something more than what he currently was. He felt in his gut that he was designated to live and die as a typical human, a thought that hadn’t bothered him before, but ever since he began loving somebody like Lucian, he couldn’t help but think about it. He closed his eyes pushing the thought to the back of his mind, he relaxed against the cool Earth as he felt familiar loving lips against his neck gently tracing along love bites that adorned his skin.</p><p>“We should get back inside, get cleaned up.” Lucian said as he pulled away from him.</p><p>Peter was less than willing to get up from his spot on the ground that he’d been growing quite comfortable with. It took him a minute to find his discarded clothes and both shoes, one of which had ended up at the edge of the stream at one point. He pulled on his jeans and followed Lucian back to the cabin, the world around them darker than it had been an hour ago. </p><p>Inside their momentary home it was warm and brightly lit, it took his eyes a moment to adjust to the lights as he closed and locked the door behind them. He discarded his jeans ditching them and his shirt by the front door before following Lucian back to the bathroom. It was much smaller than their bathroom in the penthouse, the square tub situated in the corner of the room taking up most of the space, just as Peter had wanted it when he’d originally purchased the place. He waited at the sink while Lucian got the tub ready, if he did it himself the water would end up far too cold for the other man’s liking. Cold showers and baths had become a habit of his as a teenager, he’d forgotten most people weren’t fond of slipping into a tub filled with icy cold water that sent an unpleasant shock through their system. </p><p>Once the bath was ready Lucian got in and Peter joined him, he settled with his back against his chest sighing in contentment.</p><p>He closed his eyes relaxing as the older man began washing him, he liked being taken care of, God knows he was horrible at looking after himself, and for whatever reason Lucian seemed to naturally want to look after him in these ways. Maybe it gave him some sense of being grounded, some way to feel like he was helping him be okay. Peter took hold of his free hand lacing their fingers together, he smiled softly as he felt fingers massaging shampoo into his scalp, a small moan escaping him as he leaned his head back against his shoulder. </p><p>He knew without asking that Lucian was more at ease out here. In the city he often got agitated or paranoid, worrying about being tracked down and found out by his enemies who long thought him dead, and it wasn’t like Peter didn’t worry about that either. He wasn’t sure how he’d handle it if something happened to him, it was a thought that didn’t often strike him, but when it did it scared the Hell out of him. It was hard for him to remember that despite being mostly immortal lycans could still die, enough silver could take even the strongest alpha out. </p><p>Lips pressing against his shoulder caught his attention. “What are you thinking about?” Lucian asked nuzzling against the side of his neck.</p><p>He forced a small smile not sure he wanted to divulge just how dark, anxious and paranoid his thoughts could really go. “Nothing, just….Stupid shit.” He lied as he pushed away his previous thoughts.</p><p>He groaned when the older man dumped a cup of water over his head washing the shampoo from his hair, he pushed his fingers back through his hair that now flopped down over his forehead nearly obscuring his eyes, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d had it cut. At the rate it was beginning to grow he wouldn’t exactly need that wig for his shows.</p><p>“You know you can talk to me about anything, right?”</p><p>Peter turned around to face him settling himself on his lap. “I know, I just….I need to get it in order….There’s things I haven’t exactly talked to many people about.”</p><p>He’d told Charlie and even then, it was only because he’d felt forced into confessing why he was so terrified to lend his help to people who needed it. There was only so far that the self-centered bastard façade would carry him until he came across as a coward or heartless. There was no life or death situation forcing his hand now, only a rising guilt that Lucian had told him about his past and himself, but still Peter shared none of his own past traumas. Then there was the recent passing of the anniversary of his parents’ murder, the original cause for his less than pleasant behavior lately, and of course firing his latest therapist wasn’t helping matters much. He wanted to tell him; he knew there wasn’t a single reason in the world not to tell him.</p><p>Lucian placed a hand against his cheek, he kissed his forehead as if he could feel his mounting anxiety in the past few seconds. “Take your time, it’s why we came out here, right?” He asked, his voice so gentle that it could make him cry.</p><p>He couldn’t remember the last time somebody had been gentle with him, spoken to him with some understanding. He knew after his parents deaths that his relatives had tried initially to be gentle and understanding, but he’d been so angry with himself that he’d only responded with anger. Even as an adult he wasn’t always sure how to feel having somebody who was this way with him, who responded to him with care and love that he didn’t always deserve.</p><p>“Yeah, have I mentioned yet how incredibly sorry I am for being a prick lately?”</p><p>Lucian smiled, “Yes, several times actually, but I still appreciate hearing it. I meant it when I said you scare me when you get like that.” </p><p>“I’ll try not to scare you like that anymore.” </p><p>He couldn’t promise it but he could at least try, he knew that there was a chance that talking about his past and his fears could help him, but there was a part of him that was terrified that talking about all of it would do nothing at all. That he’d still feel uncomfortable in a dark quiet house, that his fears of loneliness and not being enough would continue to cling to him, because in truth it couldn’t be solved by expressing it. Still he wanted to try even if it just meant letting Lucian have a better understanding as to why he went off sometimes the way he did.</p><p>They stayed in the tub for a few more minutes finishing washing up, relaxing, and then finally getting out, drying off and making their way to the bedroom. Peter was more than happy to curl up in the large bed under its comforters and blankets with Lucian curled up behind him, one arm wrapped around his waist holding him closely. He always felt protected when he was held by him, he knew he was safe so long as they were near each other, the thought of ever losing that scared him more than anything else.</p>
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<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Peter woke with a start, the darkness of the room around him engulfing and suffocating him. He swallowed hard closing his eyes for a moment as he attempted to gain composure, still his heart hammered against his chest, cold sweat dampening and chilling his bare skin, he craved a distraction from the lingering images and screams of his nightmares.</p><p>He pried himself from the arms of his still sleeping partner and snuck out of the bedroom.</p><p>“Just a nightmare you idiot.” He angrily whispered to himself as he wandered into the kitchenette, by habit he went to the cabinets in search of a bottle of anything that would help him forget, he groaned when he was greeted with nothingness. </p><p>He shut the cabinet then leaned back against the counter, he pinched the bridge of his nose closing his eyes and counting to ten as his last therapist had told him to do. The images of his nightmare flashed behind his eyelids; the image of Jerry grabbing his mother, fangs ripping into her throat as she screamed and flailed. The image melted into the nightmare image of Lucian dead on their living room floor, silver flooding his veins. Peter opened his eyes feeling worse than he had thirty seconds ago, he slammed his fist against the countertop cursing under his breath as he glanced around the empty room. The only sounds were the sounds of insects of birds outside as well as his own harsh breaths. He had hoped that getting away from the city would calm his mind, stop or at least slow the nightmares from happening, and yet here he was. Even when he was awake, he found himself thinking about it, wondering if he was doing the right thing, and he knew he wasn’t.</p><p>From day one he’d never done the right thing. He shouldn’t have hidden when the vampires shown up at their home that night, he should have grabbed a weapon of some kind and fought. He’d been a young child then, he knew he would have lost and died, or worse been turned into one of them. He could have at least gone the Batman route instead of repressing his trauma with heroin then cocaine and then copious amounts of alcohol and pills, he did deep down always want to get revenge and maybe even help others, keep them from ending up like him. He’d never been focused enough, never brave enough, or clever enough to do that though. He wasn’t anything like Charlie, determined to protect those he loved at any cost even if it meant dying himself. He most certainly wasn’t like Lucian, but he wasn’t human, so Peter wasn’t sure that he counted in this scenario of people who were better than him. </p><p>He itched to drink, to be drunk and oblivious to his problems. He idly traced his fingers over the circular scars on his inner arm, his black painted nails scratching against the discolored skin as his mind lingered on how sweet it used to feel after that first hit of heroin entered his system, blanking out his mind and leaving him feeling warm and hazy. He liked hazy, his emotions numbed, and his mind far gone; sex worked in the same way, but if the sex was bad and he was sober then he got time to think. If the sex was good, then he didn’t think about anything. If he was dangerously out of his mind, then well….</p><p>No that was another route he didn’t want his mind to go down.</p><p>He wanted to kick himself for deciding to be sober for a few days, just to prove to himself that he could do it. He was fine when he wasn’t awake and alone with his thoughts, thoughts that intensified in the darkness where there was no way to distract himself. He needed to be sober though, just for a little bit. He needed to be sober when he finally told Lucian about his past, he feared if he continued keeping that from him then things would only worsen. He knew his parents being killed didn’t excuse his behavior or his actions, but it explained things, put them into perspective and if Lucian knew then they could talk about it. Peter was tired of hiring therapist after therapist who he would talk to, but never honestly. He couldn’t very well tell them that a vampire came into their home one night and ate his family while he hid away in the wardrobe. He’d tried that for several months after the incident, stopping once he’d heard his uncle and his last therapist discuss if he might be better off getting inpatient care for his delusions. That’s when he’d decided lying was the best course of action, if he told them it was regular humans who killed his parents then there were less questions.</p><p>Peter went to the fridge, he grabbed out a bottle of water and went over to the couch. He tried to think of the last time he drank water and he couldn’t recall, typically water bottles were used to slip vodka into rehab that was court ordered or to sneak vodka onto planes or into meetings he had no interest in. </p><p>He leaned his head back against the couch closing his eyes again. The images were still there, the images of his parents being killed were always there though, but the new imaginary image of Lucian killed bothered him. He knew it was just a bull shit nightmare, but it could happen. That was what Peter hated about caring about other people; he’d gotten attached to Charlie and had to face the reality that Jerry very well could have killed him and he’d have to live with that, he’d gotten attached to Ginger in his own unhealthy crude way and he still couldn’t shake the image of her body from his mind, and the thought of even just an imaginary image of Lucian dead in their home made him feel sick to his stomach. He didn’t know if he could handle another loss and losing somebody who was mostly immortal somehow hurt worse. He knew that Lucian had technically died once, but he’d come back like the mystical bastard that he was. That didn’t mean he couldn’t die again for good. Escaping death once was lucky, there was never a second chance of escaping it though. </p><p>He flinched when he felt a hand on his forearm, he opened his eyes to see Lucian sitting next to him on the couch, blue eyes watching him with concern. Peter smiled softly at him; he didn’t want to talk about it. That was why they were here though, to talk, talk about the things that Peter typically was too drunk and stubborn to talk to him about.</p><p>“Did I wake you, sorry if I did.” Peter asked, he ignored it the best he could as he felt familiar calloused fingers touching along his scarred skin.</p><p>He’d never set a boundary telling Lucian he couldn’t touch his scars, part of him enjoyed somebody noticing them and caring that they were there. He recalled a woman he slept with years ago noticing the scars from his teenage suicide attempt and laughing at him for it, that was the most attention any of his marks had ever earned him, because none of them had cared about him. Lucian cared; he’d managed to memorize where each scar was during their time together, rarely spoke about them but always touched them like he wished he could take that past pain away. </p><p>“No, well yes but, I just noticed you were gone.”</p><p>“Sorry I just….I had a couple of nightmares is all, wanted to get something to drink then remembered there isn’t any alcohol here.” He said giving the half empty water bottle a shake before setting it down on the coffee table.</p><p>“Do you want to talk about it?” </p><p>Peter sighed, he scooted closer to him on the couch until he was pressed against his side. Lucian wrapped an arm around his shoulders holding him close, Peter rested his head against his chest feeling calmer. “Had one about you, somebody had killed you. I don’t know who, like if it was a vampire or a hunter, but they came into our home and killed you.” </p><p>Lucian kissed the top of his head, “I’m here” he assured him.</p><p>“I know, but…. That could, that could happen. There are other hunters out there and I know they don’t exactly care that you’re a good person and then you said there’s always a chance those vampires will find you hiding in Nevada. What if somebody does find you?” Possibilities were racing through his mind and he wished he could stop them.</p><p>“Shh we’re fine. I can’t promise you that nobody will come looking for me, but I refuse to leave you.”</p><p>“You’ve already died once.” </p><p>“That was years ago, I don’t plan on a repeat performance.” </p><p>It was Lucian, the chance of him getting killed was staggeringly low. He was trained and skilled, he was so clever and brilliant that the idea of him being caught off guard and dying seemed nearly laughable. </p><p>“I’m sorry, I’m being a fucking idiot, again aren’t I?” He asked pulling back to look at him.</p><p>“You aren’t being an idiot, you’re just worried is all. There’s nothing wrong with worrying.” </p><p>Even when he was angry with him, he still was kinder than he should be, sometimes Peter wished he would lash out at him instead of trying to be patient and understanding with him. </p><p>“I think I might go into town later, get some things.” </p><p>He still itched for something to drink, could pop into a bar, he knew there were a few hole in the wall joints around. It was Nevada; alcohol and slot machines were nearly in every building, even the ones they shouldn’t be in. </p><p>Lucian kissed him gently, his fingers stroking against his jaw. “Want me to come with you?”</p><p>“Nah you don’t have to, just hang around here.” He kissed him nipping at his bottom lip. “You can just do whatever, wolf out if you want, nobody has license to hunt in this area, and I don’t think there’s a chance of some random seeing you.” </p><p>It was one small benefit of coming out to the middle of nowhere; he knew occasionally Lucian went off to run and to hunt wildlife, he knew deep down he still worried that Peter didn’t fully accept him the way he really was. </p><p>“I’ll consider it.” He said smiling, he kissed him again one hand slipping to his hip. Peter moved onto his lap, hands resting on his shoulders as they kissed.</p><p>Despite being taller he always felt significantly smaller than him when they were like this. He moaned when Lucian bit and sucked against his bottom lip, one large hand pressing against the small of his back pushing him flush against him. He loved the heat of his body, the cool metal of his necklace pressing against his skin as they made out on this couch. Peter curled his fingers in his hair, nails scratching against his scalp as he pressed closer against him feeling like he could never get close enough no matter what they did with each other. Before he would tire of somebody, he’d never imagined himself with a lover he’d still crave this strongly even nearly two years in. Two years, fucking Hell it terrified him thinking about it. </p><p>He kissed down along his throat, teeth scraping against his skin, Lucian moaned in response. It was scary being with somebody, but it scared him more thinking about not being with him. It scared him thinking about waking up to an empty penthouse, waking up in the arms of one night stands whose names he wouldn’t even know. No, he could never go back to that lifestyle, he knew that deep down. He knew he preferred the company of a man who knew him inside and out, who touched him and looked at him as if he mattered. He wanted to prove to him that he was worth all the love and admiration he showed him over their time together.</p><p>Peter lowered himself to the floor kneeling between his legs, Lucian reached down petting his fingers through his hair. Peter hooked his fingers under the band of the black shorts he wore pulling them down, Lucian lifted his hips making the process easier. Peter took hold of his cock slowly stroking him, he shivered when he felt nails scratching against his scalp. He leaned forward slowly running his tongue up along the underside of his length, tongue circling the head of his cock before teasing against the tip. Lucian pushed gently against the back of his head urging him to continue. Peter glanced up at him, smirking at the lustful way he gazed down at him. He moved from his cock to kiss along his lower stomach, teeth biting and sucking against his hip, he rested his hands on his inner thighs gently stroking his skin as he kissed along his stomach. Lucian gave a hard tug to his hair pulling a low moan from him. </p><p>“Somebody needs to learn some patience.” He teased before taking the head of his cock into his mouth sucking gently. He resumed his previous teasing, eyes locked on his as he slowly took his length into his mouth moaning around him.</p><p>Lucian leaned his head back against the couch, fangs pressing into his bottom lip as he rolled his hips pressing his length further into the hunter’s mouth. Peter took as much of his cock into his mouth as he could, his own cock twitching as he looked at the way Lucian’s long curling hair fell over his shoulders just reaching his chest. Peter reached down pushing his hand down under the band of his own sleep pants to wrap his fingers around his cock, he thrust into his own fist moaning at the sensation. He closed his eyes as he placed his focus on pleasing him and edging himself closer to release, he teased the tip of his cock with his thumb, hips jerking in response. Lucian tugged at his hair again, when Peter looked at him his eyes were focused on him again, intense and glowing in a way that made Peter nearly cum.  He had to look away from him as he bobbed his head along his cock taking him in to the hilt. Lucian stroked his fingers against the back of his neck encouraging him as he carefully thrust into his mouth down his throat. Peter swallowed around him adjusting enough to keep himself from immediately gagging, tears rolling down his cheeks as he pulled back then went back down. He could feel his cock pulsing against his tongue, hear the rough way he moaned the sound nearing a growl as he came into his mouth. Peter pulled back until only half his length was in his mouth, he wrapped his fingers around his base stroking him through the rest of his orgasm. He slowly pulled off him, he settled back on his knees.</p><p>Lucian leaned forward placing a hand against his jaw, thumb stroking against his swollen bottom lip before pressing into his mouth. Peter’s eyes closed as he licked against his thumb, he stroked his own cock faster, desperate for his own release. </p><p>“Get up here.” </p><p>Peter unsteadily got to his feet, he moved to straddle the older man’s lap. Lucian placed a hand against the back of his neck pulling him down into a hungry kiss, his tongue pressing into his mouth. Peter moaned into the kiss when he felt his fingers on his cock, he stroked him slowly, teasingly, his fingertips grazing against his balls on the downstroke. He thrust into his hand whimpering into the kiss, he broke away to kiss along his jaw. </p><p>“Please, I’m so fucking close.” He whispered against his skin, his voice rough and desperate as he fucked into his hand.</p><p>Lucian’s hand stilled; Peter groaned in frustration. “Beg again.” He whispered hotly against his ear.</p><p>“Please, please let me cum, I’m so close right now.” He didn’t mind being desperate, not when it was five in the morning and he was so hard that his cock ached.</p><p>He buried his face against his boyfriend’s neck sighing in relief when he began stroking him again. He continued to rock his hips shamelessly fucking his hand. He kissed along his neck his moans muffled against his skin. It wasn’t long until he was cumming over his hand, hips jerking and his teeth digging in against his neck. </p><p>Peter relaxed against him, head resting against his shoulder. He didn’t argue it when Lucian moved him off him long enough to pull his shorts up then picked him up to carry him into the bathroom. He simply sat on the countertop waiting for him to get the bath ready for them both, he looked out the window above the tub, he could hardly make anything out in the darkness. The never-ending darkness spooked him, in the city the light pollution kept him from ever having to be in pure darkness, out here though it was inevitable. A part of him longed to wander through it, just to get lost in it and never be seen again. He didn’t want to die, but somedays disappearing sounded nice.</p><p>“Bath’s ready.” </p><p>Peter smiled at him noticing the way he was looking at him again, that concern in his eyes. He noticed most times that Lucian looked worried and concerned, he felt it might just be his natural state of being after hundreds of years. </p><p>He got down from the counter and stepped into the tub, Lucian climbed in after him settling with his back against Peter’s chest. This position gave him a great view of the thick scars that covered his back, he didn’t see them too often, it had been some time since he’d really seen them. Peter wrapped his arms around his waist, he rested his chin against his shoulder. He longed to kiss his scars, apologize to him that he’d had to be born into the most fucked up situation imaginable. He knew that wasn’t what Lucian wanted and he respected that completely, he was frankly surprised he was okay with this position, with feeling Peter’s skin touching his. </p><p>“This okay?” He asked before pressing a kiss against his shoulder.</p><p>He nodded, “It is, I’m okay with it like this.” </p><p>Peter pressed another kiss to his shoulder, “I love you”</p><p>“I love you too” He responded.</p><p>He felt his fingers touch the scar on his right wrist, Peter closed his eyes hiding his face against the side of his neck sighing against his skin focusing on the gentle touches.</p><p>“Promise me I won’t lose you.” His voice was soft, a fear weighing heavy on his words when he spoke, a fear that made Peter’s heart ache.</p><p>“I promise, I’m yours until….For a very very long time.” </p><p>Until a natural death that he hoped wouldn’t be for a very long time.</p><p>Lucian brought his hand up pressing a kiss against the scar on his wrist, Peter shivered. He knew there wasn’t much else he could say, a natural human life span was all he could offer him unless he ever proposed more than that.</p>
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<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Of course, Peter felt like an utter bastard for slinking off to a bar, quite an easy thing to find in a shit hole small town. It turned out that under paid retail workers and stressed out miners tended to bury their sorrows and anger in a bottle of whiskey. The liquor at the hole in the wall bar he found himself at of course was nothing compared to the top shelf shit he had back at his own flat, but he was desperate. It wasn’t necessarily that Peter needed alcohol to function, he could very well go without it, but he figured two days was a good start.  Warmth spread through his chest and stomach as he downed a second shot of whiskey, he snapped his fingers pointing towards his now empty shot glass, the older man behind the counter looked irritated as he poured him another shot. </p><p>The bar reminded him of the ones in England he used to pop off to with his friends once he’d turned sixteen. They would drink on money stolen from their families, causing a nuisance until they were forced out of the bar, then they would go to the local shops and steal mini bottles of whiskey and wine. He smiled to himself as he remembered those teenage days of drinking on the hood of his friend’s car as they talked about school, about the girls they were trying to shag, the ones that would shag them, and occasionally they talked about their futures. Not that him or any of his friends had planned out much for their futures, Peter knew early on he didn’t want to stay in England; England was filled with bad memories for him. As a teenager he would find himself at least three times a week driving past his family’s home, it went from being a crime scene to being up on the market to being sold off to a couple with three kids of their own, he often feared they’d meet the same fate his parents had met. He couldn’t stay, couldn’t handle his relatives holding interventions and checking him into facility after facility thinking that maybe this time, he’ll turn out right, that he’ll go off to university and get his shit together.</p><p>He ordered a fourth shot, then a fifth. His phone vibrated in his pocket and he tensed. He’d told Lucian he would just be out for a bit, an hour or two, that was nearly four hours ago. He had to his own benefit walked around the town for a bit, he’d wandered through the shit hole shops and been glared at by the locals who weren’t all that appreciative of a man in his thirties wearing skinny jeans and black nail polish. He’d meant to go back to the cabin at one point, but then he’d spotted this bar and he’d lost all reasonability. He pulled his phone out of his pocket to see he had three missed calls and five text messages.</p><p>‘Where are you?’</p><p>‘Are you okay?’</p><p>‘I swear to Hell if you’re at a bar.’</p><p>Peter ordered one more shot before paying his tab and wandering out of the bar and into the chilly Nevada night air. He pulled his jacket together around himself as he headed towards his car; he wasn’t too drunk to drive, he legally shouldn’t be driving with the state he was in, but he didn’t have many choices considering he was in a small town where leaving his car and convincing an uber driver to take him to his cabin wasn’t ideal. He took a moment to steady his spinning mind as he sat in the driver’s seat, the car warming up. He considered texting or calling, telling him that he was fine, and that yes, he was a colossal fuck up, but this was who he was. He was the guy who couldn’t stay in England because then he’d have to face his past, he couldn’t stay in Vegas because then he was surrounded by temptation to be a bastard, and even in a small town he still found ways to be a massive prick. Lucian knew all that though, he’d known from the first day they met that Peter was human wreckage. He was hundreds of years too old to believe that humans could just change for the better because of love and care, Peter always behaved worse when he was loved and cared for. </p><p>After a few minutes he backed out of the parking space and pulled out onto the nearly empty street and began his way back to the cabin. He felt sick thinking about how there wouldn’t even be an argument or a fight when he returned, there would be that steely look of disappointment; he wondered if Lucian was disappointed in him or himself at this point. He thought about how much the other man loved him, how terrified he was of losing him. He wanted to scream at him that it was inevitable unless he did something about it.</p><p>Such a stupid thought. </p><p>A horrid part of his brain told him that Lucian wanted him to remain mortal, wanted to be with him until he died sooner or later, and then move on with his life. He wondered if he would be a better man if he were a lycan; if being an immortal creature that could shift into a massive wolf would make him less of an addict. It could, he knew it was near impossible for Lucian to get drunk or high. He wondered what it felt like to shift, he knew it was painful to some degree; he still cringed when he heard bones snapping and flesh ripping when Lucian changed. </p><p>He never imagined thinking about being something other than a human. He very nearly hated himself for wanting to be bitten and changed into something else, something more. He gripped the steering wheel tightly, a sort of fear gripping his heart as he thought about it. No, he was better off human, wasn’t he? If he became a lycan then he’d be going against about everything. He shuddered remembering the feeling of vampire fans sinking into his flesh, ripping and infecting. Being a man who shifted into a large wolf was different than being a vampire, wolves hadn’t ripped his parent’s limb from limb. </p><p>He pushed the thoughts from his mind as he pulled up to the cabin, the headlights flooded over the home and the trees, before he turned the car off he spotted a large furry figure laying on the ground in front of the cabin. For a moment fear struck him as he stumbled out of the car and rushed towards the familiar large black furred wolf curled up on the ground, the fear eased when he saw the steady rise and fall as he breathed.</p><p>“Thank Christ” He muttered to himself running his fingers back through his hair.</p><p>Lucian let out a low growl as he lifted his head, eyes opening and gazing up at him, the wolf stretched out its large paws its claws tearing into the dirt.</p><p>“I thought…. Sorry, never mind. Look I…. Yes, I was out drinking and I’m sorry, okay? I just got bored and I passed by this bar and I decided to just get a shot of whiskey which y’know turned into….” He trailed off realizing he was giving the same rambling excuses he always did.</p><p>The wolf continued to stare at him before resting its head back against the ground. Peter wondered for a moment if he’d shifted so that he could give him the cold shoulder; he knew he could understand him, but he knew that Lucian couldn’t understand things properly when he was like this. Peter lowered himself onto the ground, he carefully situated himself to sit with his back against the large wolf’s side, he rested his head against thick black fur that felt softer than any of the damned comforters he paid hundreds of dollars for. </p><p>Lucian remained as he was, still a wolf, and still laying there with his head resting on his legs. </p><p>“I’m sorry, I know I say that like all the fucking time, but I really am. Not just for the drinking, just for everything y’know.” He swallowed hard as he stroked his fingers through his fur, he smiled as he reached up stroking his fingers against his ears, chuckling when the wolf twitched them.</p><p>His boyfriend could turn into a massive dog; pointy ears and long fluffy tail included. Sure, he wasn’t all fur coated and his mass made him look not completely wolf like, it was terrifying in a sense. Objectively he was terrifying, but Peter knew who he was and the way he was; he knew that he could curl up against his side when he was like this and trust that he wouldn’t harm him.</p><p>“There’s stuff I wanna tell you, I don’t know how to talk about it. I’m utter shit at talking about my feelings, I’ve told you how many therapists I’ve fired.” </p><p>There was no response as he expected.</p><p>“You always argue me when I say it, but I mean it when I say you could do better than me. I know I shouldn’t even think about trying to live up to her, but I wish I could at least make you that happy.” He paused rubbing angrily at his eyes. “You shouldn’t have to play babysitter for me all the time, should be able to….I’m sorry, fuck I don’t even know what I’m trying to say other than that. I’m sorry I’m not who you need.” He let out a shaky sigh as he lowered himself onto the ground curling up on his side.</p><p>Lucian adjusted keeping pressed close against the hunter, Peter could feel his breath against the back of his head, a cold wet nose pressing against his neck as the wolf nuzzled him as some show of comfort, he felt he didn’t deserve. “I love you” He whispered; he never knew just how much that covered if it covered anything at all.</p><p>He soon found himself drifting off to sleep.</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He woke with a hangover, admittedly not the worst one he’d ever had. He groaned pulling the covers up over his head and scooting further down the bed to hide away from the sun that poured in through the bedroom window. He opened his eyes only when he remembered he hadn’t fallen asleep inside; he’d fallen asleep out front with Lucian curled up behind his back. He threw the covers back slowly pulling himself into a sitting position, he rubbed at his eyes groaning at the stab of pain in his head. It was a safe bet he’d carried him inside at some point late in the night or early in the morning, he should have just left him out in the cold of the morning as punishment for being an asshole. He gave himself a moment to gather himself before climbing out of bed, he stripped out of his jeans and t-shirt, both wreaking of wet dog and wet dirt. He went to his suitcase grabbing out clean jeans and a black tank top. Out in the kitchen he could hear the clattering of pans and the occasional shutting of cabinets, an easy guess that Lucian was cooking, which was normal. He seemed to enjoy cooking, to an extent, he didn’t necessarily seem to care if he ate meals or animals he hunted, but he seemed to enjoy cooking for Peter. He of course was never going to argue it if his gorgeous lycan boyfriend wanted to cook for him from time to time or on the daily.</p><p>He did though feel like a bastard. He knew that he’d promised to himself that he could go a few days without drinking or doing drugs and yet the first chance he’s given he went straight to a bar. He retrieved his phone from the nightstand and went through the texts and voicemail transcripts that Lucian had left him through the night before, he could feel how worried then pissed off he’d been by reading his words, it didn’t help he’d been in wolf form when Peter finally had made his way back home. If they were still in Vegas then he would have come back to Lucian in human form pacing through the living room, anxious and annoyed. He knew on those nights that he didn’t want to talk to him, couldn’t blame him. He supposed out in the middle of nowhere that it was easier for Lucian to not talk to him, turn into a massive dog and just respond to his drunken apologies with barks and growls, the occasional head nod or turning away from him. Still he’d seemed fine enough, had even let Peter curl up and lay with him on the ground. That had to be a sign that he wasn’t horribly pissed off, especially if he was cooking for him this morning. It was a blessing and a curse that Lucian never seemed to get really pissed off at him. Peter wasn’t sure how to handle it; with Ginger she would scream at him, break his things, and sometimes if he’d been a right bastard, she would smack him. Peter was accustomed to his partners (typically temporary) expressing their anger with him in obvious ways. He’d just assumed Lucian would be like the others, but he wasn’t and to a big degree Peter was grateful for that. He didn’t feel like he had to walk on eggshells around him, didn’t have to worry about being hurt, but sometimes he wanted to kick his own ass. </p><p>He slipped his phone into his pocket and exited the bedroom, worry in the pit of his stomach as he strolled into the kitchen/dining room where Lucian was already setting plates at the small table. Peter smiled softly as he watched him; a domestic lycan was an odd sight with his black sweatpants, Pantera shirt, and his long hair pulled back into a ponytail. He looked up when he heard Peter enter the room, his expression impossible to read, another thing that often left Peter confused. He wished he knew if he was angry or fine. </p><p>“Thanks for bringing me inside.” He awkwardly stated as he scratched the back of his head. </p><p>Lucian shrugged, he took a seat at the table, Peter sat down across from him. He looked down at his plate noticing he’d made omelets for them.</p><p>“Are you….Upset at me about last night?” He asked as he cut into his food.</p><p>“Yes,” was the simple even toned response.</p><p>He didn’t even sound upset, just normal. Ginger would have thrown a frying pan at his head already, then again, she wouldn’t have noticed nor cared that he’d been out most the evening and night.</p><p>“So, you make omelets for me when you’re pissed off at me?” He asked glancing up at him.</p><p>Lucian smiled despite himself. “Would you rather I yell at you?”</p><p>Peter shrugged, he knew if he said yes then he’d sound insane or like a child. “I-Ye-No….I don’t know, okay? Look you are….You’re the first person that I’ve been with who doesn’t.” </p><p>God, he felt like an idiot.</p><p>“It wouldn’t solve anything, I don’t see what it helps if I did yell at you, and I don’t want you scared of me.” </p><p>It was a conversation they’d had a few times through their time together. Lucian’s always present fear that somehow someway he would do or say something that would scare him, make him feel unsafe around him. Peter couldn’t imagine anything he did or said scaring him; he felt like he’d seen every side of him so far and he wasn’t scared of him in the least, it was laughable to think of being scared of Lucian.</p><p>“I could never be scared of you; I know you’d never hurt me. Look I…I am sorry about last night and I know that apologies at this point are overrated.” As his therapist had told him; apologies only meant something if he actively worked to change his behavior and to keep from repeating his mistakes.</p><p>He had yet to properly work on bettering himself, he was scared of what he’d be like if it wasn’t for the drinking, the drugs, the repressed traumas, and everything else. </p><p>“Look I….I do want to talk, about things, tell you things. I don’t know if it’ll make me feel better if I tell you any of it, I have this dumb fucking hope that if I tell you these things that maybe it’ll make me less of a prick.”</p><p>Which was stupid, he knew that it was stupid. He knew that sharing his childhood trauma wasn’t going to make things suddenly easier, it wouldn’t make his nightmares go away, it wouldn’t take away his fear of being left alone in the dark.</p><p>“We can work on it, together, you getting better I mean.” Lucian suggested.</p><p>Peter nodded in response, “Yeah that…. That sounds good, feel like therapists are a waste of money, keep firing them.” He muttered to himself.</p><p>What was the point when he couldn’t tell them the truth of his life? He wasn’t being honest with them; they didn’t understand the full scale of the life he’d lived.</p><p>“I feel bad for them, I imagine you make their jobs difficult.” Lucian said smirking to himself.</p><p>Peter glared at him, “I don’t, not my fault they just give the same shit advice every time.”</p><p>“Ever tell them about us?” He asked curiously.</p><p>“Last one I did, a bit, just told him that I was seeing a guy long term and the bastard actually had the gull to say I wasn’t emotionally mature enough for a serious relationship.” </p><p>Lucian laughed, “I have no idea how he could get that idea.”</p><p>“I like you better when you’re a dog.” He pouted as he got up from the table grabbing up their empty plates and taking them over to the sink.</p><p>He smiled when he felt two strong arms wrap around his waist, he closed his eyes humming content as he felt the scratch of facial hair against the side of his neck. “Thought you liked me like this?” He asked before pressing a kiss to his skin.</p><p>“I do, when you’re not teasing me.” He shivered when Lucian nipped at his skin. </p><p>“Thought you liked being teased.”</p><p>Peter smirked, “Sometimes” </p><p>Lucian nuzzled against his neck, “Stay here today?”</p><p>“Plan on it.” </p><p>He wished he’d just stayed home with him last night, at least he wasn’t upset at him now, or if he was he was hiding it. </p><p>Peter turned around in his arms to face him, it would be so much easier to just have sex on the kitchen counter, and not talk about his past or his fears or anxieties. He almost considered just having sex instead of sharing about his countless issues, but he’d promised himself he was going to tell him. He kissed him once, slow and deep, only stopping when he felt a hand on his ass. He reached back grabbing hold of his wrist pulling his hand away.</p><p>“Talk first” Peter whispered against his lips, he kissed him once more before leading him over towards the couch.</p><p>He tried to gather up his thoughts in a way that was coherent, the longer he went without talking the dumber he felt about the entire thing. He should have told him months ago about his family situation, about the real reason that he got into hunting vampires other than making him think it was just for the Hell of it. He closed his eyes sighing when he felt a soothing hand rubbing his back.</p><p>“Take your time.”</p><p>“Okay so, I….Know how I told you about that kid, Charlie, the one I helped kill that vampire a few years back?” </p><p>“I remember.”</p><p>“Well the vampire, Jerry, I…I knew him.” He paused running his fingers back through his hair. “When I was a kid, when I’d still been living in England. There was this night when somebody came to our door, guy about in his forties asking to phone a towing company cause his car broke down not far from our house.” He paused again, he anxiously tapped his foot against the floor, his eyes unfocused as he replayed that night in his mind for the millionth time. “The moment my dad got the door closed the guy grabbed him and bit right into his throat. I….I was….I ran, I didn’t know what to do. I just….I fucking ran out of the room and hid in the wardrobe.” He closed his eyes tightly as he thought again about what he should have done, how most other people regardless of age would have fought, wouldn’t they?</p><p>He focused on the hand still rubbing his back, that assurance to continue if he wanted. “I-I could hear it. I could hear him killing them an-and their screams….I still hear it, still have fucking nightmares about it. When it was all over, I just ran, ran to my uncle’s house. I don’t remember much except the cops asking me what happened. I was a kid so, I was in shock, and I told the truth, like a fucking idiot. Nobody believed me, found me unhelpful, I think they blamed me for my parents killers not being found, because I was so bloody stuck on the monster story. I kept to it, was sent to a therapist, swore to her that it was vampires, I only stopped saying monsters did it when I overheard them discuss putting me in an institute.” </p><p>He rubbed at his eyes frustrated with himself for crying. “I changed my story, said it must have been burglars, robbery gone wrong. I…Fucking hated myself, blamed myself, I still blame myself for it. I just….I started drinking, doing drugs, made my aunt and uncle’s lives an actual Hell when I was with them. They found me one night in the bathroom after I’d….” He still remembered his aunt screaming, shaking him, begging him to wake up.</p><p>He moved to curl up against Lucian’s side hiding his face against his shoulder, he wrapped an arm around Peter’s waist holding him close against himself.</p><p>“It’s okay, you don’t have to say more if you don’t want to.” His voice was gentle.</p><p>“Sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.”</p><p>“You don’t have to be sorry, don’t ever feel like you have to tell me something.”</p><p>“I just wanted you to know I’m not just some shallow sex obsessed junkie.”</p><p>“You’re not and I never thought that.”</p><p>“You’re still too fucking good for me.” </p><p>Lucian kissed the top of his head. “I don’t want anybody else, just you, and I’m sorry about your parents.”</p><p>“Thanks, I think what happened to them is why I’m scared I could lose you. I used to not be scared of you dying until that asshole cut your face and I realized that you can die.”</p><p>He missed when he naively thought that immortal was a very literal fool proof thing, he forgot that monsters weren’t really immortal, every single one of them had a way to be destroyed. </p><p>“I told you before, I won’t leave you, no matter what.” </p><p>“I know and I really do want to get better, not saying I want to be sober all the time, but like I don’t want to run off and get black out drunk every time I remember my parents or the anniversary of their murder.”</p><p>“You can always talk about it with me or if you don’t want to talk, I’m still here for you.”</p><p>“Thanks,” he leaned up kissing him gently. “I love you”</p><p>“I love you too” He whispered lovingly stroking his fingers against his cheek.</p><p>He did in fact feel the slightest bit better getting it all out in the open, telling him about his parents, and explaining the origin of the scars on his wrists. He knew he never had to divulge to him about the other scars, the ones from needles and lighters, he could figure those out all on his own. He didn’t expect things to be perfect now that it was all out in the open, knowing himself he’d never fully overcome his past or what it did to him, but he didn’t have to deal with it alone any longer.</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So sorry this took awhile to get finished and posted, been working on it for the past few days while dealing with some personal things. I'm really proud of the way this chapter turned out and I am so appreciative of everybody who has been reading this fic and any of the other ones I write about this pairing or any other pairing.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Peter hadn’t been thick enough to think that just because he told Lucian about his parents and about his reoccurring nightmares that they would suddenly cease to end, but he’d hoped he could at least get a night without them bombarding his mind. He didn’t dream of his parents’ murder, but he did dream of losing Lucian again. Chasing a vampire down an endless alleyway only to be stopped by the resounding bang of a gun, when he stopped and turned, he saw Lucian drop to the ground screaming in pain. He’d rushed to him, time in his nightmare moving at a torturously sluggish pace. Once he was by his side, he could see the hole in his chest, the liquified silver bleeding out of the gaping wound mingling with his blood. He’d so frantically tried to cover the hole with his hand, could feel the hot stickiness of it as it spilled between his fingers and soaked over his hand and the sleeve of his jacket. He’d held him and began shaking him threatening that he’d hate him if he just up and died on him in an alleyway like that. He’d felt such an overwhelming fear that it practically choked him, his heart slamming against his chest, and the fear of what would happen when it was just him and him alone for the rest of his miserable life. </p><p>He woke in a cold sweat, heart hammering against his chest, a choked sob working its way up his constricted throat and out of his mouth. His eyes shot open when Lucian grabbed his shoulders trying to keep him still. His thrashing movements ceased as he looked into his boyfriend’s eyes, his face filled with concern as he looked down at him, fingers gently stroking against his arms as he waited for him to relax again. Peter reached up placing a hand against his cheek, he let out a shaky breath as he felt the familiar warmth of his skin under his fingers, he was alive, they were fine. He wanted to laugh and crack a joke about how utterly pathetic he was with his nightmares and his emotional baggage, but he couldn’t get himself to do more than stare up at him helplessly as if he hadn’t seen him in hundreds of years. He stroked his fingers down along the side of his neck feeling his pulse, the movement of skin under his fingers with each breath and swallow.</p><p>“Are you okay?”</p><p>“Nightmare”</p><p>Lucian leaned down pressing a kiss to his forehead, he settled back down beside him on the bed. Peter rolled onto his side to face him, he rubbed his hand along his shoulder and down over his arm just needing affirmation that he existed, that he was alive. Lucian didn’t seem to mind, by now he understood that depending on the nightmare depended on if Peter would become distant or cling to him. He brushed Peter’s sweat soaked hair from his face, his touch gentle and understanding as he gazed at him with so much love that it nearly broke Peter’s heart. His nightmare taunted him of how easy it could be to lose him; he wasn’t that immortal, he could die, a hunter or a vampire could easily take him out, and besides he’d died once already. Peter’s fingers grazed along his back, his fingers brushing against the raised bumps of scars nearly a thousand years old. Lucian tensed under his touch and Peter immediately withdrew his hand.</p><p>“I’m sorry, shit I-I know, I just, I’m sorry.” He rambled out his apology. </p><p>Lucian took hold of his hand bringing it to his lips pressing a kiss against the back of it. “It’s okay, you didn’t mean to, you just….You had a bad dream. I’m here though.”</p><p>Peter nodded, he glanced towards the window to see it was getting lighter outside, soon the sun would be pouring into their bedroom. He sighed looking back to his boyfriend, he leaned his forehead against his closing his eyes, groaning as the images of his nightmare flooded his mind again like a bad picture show. Lucian rested a hand against the back of his neck, fingers stroking against his skin.</p><p>“Want to tell me about it?”</p><p>“Y-no-It wasn’t anything new. You died again.”</p><p>He felt stupid, it was such a stupid sort of dream to get worked up over. He was in his thirties; he should be able to handle nightmares. He recalled two of his past therapists telling him how nightmares often represented fears, it wasn’t the first time or the last time his nightmares would relate back to a fear of loneliness. He’d been alone after Ginger died, after Charlie moved away to go to university, but then Lucian had hired him, and he’d found every damn excuse possible to work alongside and hang out with the lycan ever since. He knew it was very possibly unhealthy to need to surround himself with people whether they were lovers, friends, or drunken strangers, but it kept him from drowning.</p><p>Lucian gently kissed him pulling him back from his increasingly depressing train of thought. “I won’t die.”</p><p>“Well technically like you’re going to look like this forever, bloody bastard, but we both know you…You can die, be killed I mean.”</p><p>“Yes, I can, but I won’t let that happen.”</p><p>He instinctually wanted to tell him that was a bold-faced lie. Nobody could promise in their lifestyle that they wouldn’t be killed on a job or just at random. How did Peter know that one day some bastard wouldn’t hunt him down, they had no way of knowing if anybody mortal or vampire was looking for Lucian, if any of them knew that despite it all he’d survived his first death. He wasn’t invincible, no monster was invincible. </p><p>“Promise?” He found himself asking, his voice a weak whisper.</p><p>Lucian hummed in response before kissing him again, slow and lazy as he pressed him back against the bed. It was a horribly cruel thing to make a promise that you couldn’t exactly keep, he couldn’t tell Lucian it was a total lie, but shit happened. They both knew, but the thought of clinging desperately onto the idea that he couldn’t be taken away from him gave him some hope. </p><p>His nightmare faded further from his mind as he felt the intense warmth of Lucian’s body pressed against his, the feeling of calloused fingers touching along his side, down his stomach and between his spread legs. He bit and sucked against his bottom lip as he hooked a leg around his lower back, he moaned into the kiss as he felt his fingers wrap around his hardening cock slowly stroking him. He focused on him, on his scent, the feeling of his flesh, the way his sharp teeth grazed against the side of his neck as he sucked against his skin. He convinced himself that his mind was a traitorous bastard who never did him any favors and did everything it could to make him incredibly unhappy. He wanted to be happy, or at least as happy as he himself could ever be. Sure, he’d still drink once they got back to Vegas, he’d probably seek out his drug dealer in a week or two to celebrate being home again, but he wouldn’t go as hard as he used to. </p><p>The last thing he ever wanted was to ruin this, to lose this. He cursed throwing his head back against the mattress as he felt two fingers push inside him, he rocked his hips back against his hand needing to feel more of him. His fingers tangled and knotted in his hair pulling as he felt his tongue flick against his right nipple before teasingly sucking against it. He opened his eyes watching him for just a second before closing them again, he’d cum early if he kept watching him. </p><p>“More, fuck me, please.” He begged; his voice rough.</p><p>He shivered moaning at the hot wet sensation of a tongue against his skin trailing from his chest up to the side of his neck. He absolutely loved the feeling of finally being filled by him, the slow push and stretch of his cock pushing into him inch by inch. Peter dug his blunt nails into his shoulders as he rocked back against him needing to feel all of him. He could feel Lucian’s breath against his skin as he slowly thrust into him, his pace languid with no rush. Peter pulled at his hair again pulling his head up until they were kissing again, he pressed his tongue into his mouth as he continued thrusting back against him. He moaned into the kiss when he felt a hand against his throat, cock twitching at the firm pressure. Lucian broke from the kiss smirking down at him as he pulled halfway out then thrust back into him hard, his fingers brushed against his throat as he held him down against the bed. Peter dug the heels of his feet into his back pulling him in closer, his moans loud and desperate as he reached down between them to stroke his own achingly hard cock. </p><p>He was determined one day they could do lazy slow loving sex, but that day wasn’t today or frankly most days. He reminded himself they had a lifetime to work on that, they got further with it than most times they tried, but something about a strong hand on his throat and the graze of fangs on his skin set Peter off in a way most things didn’t. It wasn’t like this was the first time with a guy where he found himself being quite vocal or rather slutty, but it wasn’t different; most times he was just putting on an act to get whatever guy he’d been with to cum faster, but with Lucian he actually felt it. He craved his touch, craved feeling all the strength in his body and seeing those small pieces of control being lost in the form of a mouth full of fangs and sharpened nails that were currently scratching against his hip as his boyfriend slammed into him fucking him hard enough the bed was rocking. </p><p>No, he needed him, wanted him, it was terrifying. He kissed him hard wanting to communicate all of that into the action, into the way he frantically touched all over his body keeping in mind to not touch his back again. He kept mostly to his chest, fingers grazing over where there indeed was a scar beneath a matting of chest hair, but in his dream, it had been a gaping wound. He mentally scolded himself for thinking about that, he didn’t want to remember a nightmare he’d just gotten himself to stop thinking about a few minutes ago. No he put his focus back onto the current moment at hand; he cursed as he felt his own impending release, he stroked faster tossing his head back against the pillow moaning loudly despite the soreness in his throat at he spilled over his hand and onto his own stomach. He felt Lucian’s fangs against his throat the pressure just enough to pinch but never enough to pierce the skin. Peter stroked his fingers through his hair, closed his eyes as he wondered what it would feel like to have those very sharp wolf fangs pierce through his skin like paper, to become infected, and become like him. </p><p>If he was then they wouldn’t have a human lifetime together; he wouldn’t have to continue counting the days and the months, taking into consideration his lifestyle choices, the fact he’d been drinking and doing drugs since he was in his early teens, and how that would either make him live a very long miserable life like an 80s rock star or it would catch him and kill him before he was even sixty. If he were like Lucian then he wouldn’t have to think on it, wouldn’t depress himself with the worries and the doubts and the fear of leaving Lucian alone. </p><p>He was brought back by the brush of lips against his cheek. Lucian moved to lay by his side again, hand resting against his chest as he watched him. </p><p>“Are you okay?”</p><p>“Perfect” He replied smiling easily, Lucian looked doubtful for a split second before deciding against arguing with him.</p><p>Peter wondered what he would think of it, if he’d hate the idea. </p><p>“How about you take a bath and I’ll go make breakfast.” Lucian suggested, he gently kissed him, fingers brushing against the side of his neck.</p><p>“Sounds good, can you make waffles?”</p><p>“Of course” </p><p>He kissed him once more before getting out of bed, Peter rolled onto his back smiling as he watched him. He was a gorgeous creature, Peter was still dumbfounded as to why the Hell he wanted to be with him, how devoted he was. He wasn’t sure anybody had ever been really devoted to him; when he had dated in the past it always ended up parasitic, typically with him being the one draining the life out of his partners. He didn’t think he was doing that with Lucian, he hoped that he wasn’t anyways.</p><p>Peter crawled out of bed, he made his way into the bathroom; he used the toilet then went to the sink to wash his hands and wash his face, he laughed to himself thinking about how Ginger used to mock him for his over priced skin care routines he would do, she always thought it was weird and a waste of money.</p><p>Sometimes he thought about where they’d be now if she hadn’t died, he still had the picture of her mangled corpse in his mind, he wasn’t sure he could get that image out of his mind. He’d feel guilty if he ever forgot about that, if he ever forgot about her. He figured by now she would have stabbed him to death with one of his expensive knives or smashed a whiskey bottle over his head, his gut told him they weren’t meant to end well. He did in a sense blame himself for her death, if he hadn’t made her answer to door and wait on him like she was an employee and not his live in girlfriend then she’d be alive, he might not, but that wasn’t a big deal.</p><p>It was incredible how somebody could want to casually die or cease to exist while desperately wishing to live forever. </p><p>As he climbed into the bath, he thought about what it would be like. Never dying, watching the world as it changed, nearly killed itself because of stupid human mistakes, and then worked over more centuries to repair the damages done. He knew it had to be lonely for Lucian doing that alone for so long, for not having a partner for so long; sure, he had had his pack for some time, but they were dead or dispersed anymore. It wasn’t like he could form a new one without drawing the wrong kind of attention that lead him to dying the first time around. Peter wondered if he’d even want him to be a lycan like him or if he appreciated the novelty of a human life, the temporary state of it. It scared him thinking at the end of the day this was temporary, that he might be holding him back from doing more important things with his immortal life, what if they both were immortal? Would Lucian dump him within a hundred years or feel like he had to continue being his lover and friend just because otherwise he’d feel like an absolute bastard. There was no correct way to ask him about it, no good time.</p><p>It was a subject that was at the tip of his tongue, but he was terrified of what it would bring forth. If it would result in finding out that the creature, he loved more than anything else in this world only saw him as a temporary thing. </p><p>Once he was out of the bath, he decided to for now shove the thoughts to the back of his mind along with his death filled memories and worries. This was what sobriety got him; a million worries, near nightly nightmares, and remembering his dead girlfriend more than he usually did. He knew it would piss Lucian off, but he did plan on having a slight bender once they got back to Vegas, he’d try to stick at home with it though, just to worry him less. </p><p>In the kitchen he found him setting the table, the domestic feeling of everything still jarring to him. Not in a bad way; it only mildly made him want to crawl out the window and run for it, but mostly he craved having this forever, or anything really. Just so long as it was the two of them together. </p><p>As they ate, they ate in mostly silence, Peter’s thoughts were far too many for him to know if he should voice any of them. It was eight in the morning, so it was far too early to even fathom bringing up the idea of becoming a lycan.</p><p>“Hey I was thinking this place….It doesn’t suck y’know, like I don’t remember much about it from last time I was here except that I was very drunk and got laid a lot, but like….Maybe we could come out here more often, plus y’know plenty of space for you to wolf out and just run around, maybe hunt some animals or whatever you like to do.” Peter suggested as casually as possible.</p><p>Lucian hummed in response; he was watching him with his typically difficult to read expression. Peter often wondered why he was hard to read; it was like he’d spent a few hundred years practicing how to have a blank expression.</p><p>“I like that idea and also I don’t always hunt animals, I don’t need to I mean.”</p><p>Peter remembered him informing him once that he used to feed on humans and occasionally werewolves back when he’d still been enslaved, the vampires had raised him on a diet of blood mostly. He’d apparently found very little reason over the years to break that habit until he realized it would make continuing to be allegedly dead quite difficult if people were found mangled. </p><p>“I know, but just like I’m not judging if you want to.” </p><p>He was more or less accustomed to him being in wolf form, he understood more about him when he was like that. He knew he was still himself for the most part, he still recognized Peter and had no intentions of harming him, if anything he became more protective when he was a hulking dog monster.</p><p>“I appreciate your lack of judgement about my dietary needs, also if you want…. Next time we come here you can have alcohol, just not a lot.”</p><p>Peter smiled, “That means a lot to me, been killing me going this long without booze, y’know minus that one night. Not like I have to be drunk all the time, but it’s just with the nightmares and everything it sort of gets to me.” </p><p>He’d used drugs and alcohol for so long as a crutch he wasn’t sure what to do outside of that.</p><p>“Perhaps you can find a new therapist, one that you won’t fire the second they tell you that you have any sort of a problem. It would be good to have somebody to talk to that can help you.”</p><p>Peter sighed; he tapped his fork against his empty plate. He knew that he was right about that, but therapy was a challenge when he had to lie and construct stories so that they never thought him absolutely insane.</p><p>“It’s just y’know difficult to be open when I have to lie about how my parents were killed, I have to lie about how Ginger died, and I probably can’t really tell them much about you. Not that I need to really, just y’know they usually think I have commitment issues which is total horse shit.”</p><p>Lucian smirked, “You’ve been good so far, I admittedly thought you might run off when we started dating.” </p><p>“I truly appreciate your faith in me.” He responded glaring at him. “Think we could go for a walk?”</p><p>He felt a bit caged in being inside for the past couple of days, he’d at least like to explore the area once more before they went back home. Lucican was happy to agree to the idea even if he couldn’t turn on the off chance that somebody did see him.</p><p>Peter wasn’t sure he could tell a random hiker that he was just a regular dog with a bad case of mange and get away with that.</p><p>There was always such a drastic difference between the air in Vegas and the air in the small mountain towns, it was like he could actually breathe and after a few days that didn’t leave him coughing and missing pollution. The lack of light pollution gave the area a feeling of actual daytime, the sun shining brighter than Peter remembered it ever being and the moon about the same way. He felt nice outside, the crunch of dead grass and twigs beneath his boots, birds singing to each other from the tree branches, and the soothing warmth of the sun as it soaked through his black tank top. Lucian took hold of his hand giving it a gentle squeeze as they walked together, Peter looked over at him smiling. He looked gorgeous in the woods, in the sunlight, he looked like he belonged out here. Peter stopped long enough to pull him into a kiss whispering against his lips just how gorgeous he thought that he was. He knew it might be overkill, but he felt like he couldn’t express to him enough times how beautiful he found him.</p><p>He didn’t imagine a couple of years ago that he would be walking through the woods with a supernatural creature that he was also dating, he would never have imagined himself wondering what it would be like to be something other than human. It was different when he could make the decision, though all he thought about was the fact that immortality meant being by Lucian’s side forever.</p><p>“Does it hurt?” Peter asked breaking the silence that had been between them for about thirty minutes.</p><p>“Does what hurt?”</p><p>“The whole…Being turned thing.” </p><p>“I suppose, I don’t know from personal experience, but when I turned people they seemed to be in agony. Why?”</p><p>Peter shrugged, “Curious is all….How many people have you turned?”</p><p>“Too many; they would force us to turn humans they enslaved back then, punish us if we refused, and rile us up until we did it. There was a human I did bite a few years ago, not long before my death, it was a circumstantial sort of thing.”</p><p>Peter nodded, he couldn’t imagine being forced to bite somebody, then again, he couldn’t imagine what it was like to experience most of the things that Lucian told him when it came to his time as a slave.</p><p>“Would you ever turn somebody, like under different circumstances. Let’s say they want to be turned by you.” </p><p>Lucian stilled in his walking turning to face him, Peter felt anxiety settling in his chest as he realized he was toeing over the line too much now.</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>Peter shrugged refusing to look him in the eye, “I’m just curious is all, told you that already. It’s something I never ask you about.” </p><p>“Why do you want to know all this now?”</p><p>He groaned feeling the urge to disappear or to run away, but he highly doubted he could outrun a lycan.</p><p>“Me, would you, would you turn me, if I asked you to.” His voice was shaky just like his hands that he was currently stuffing into the pockets of his blue jeans so that Lucian wouldn’t notice how badly they shook. He was certain from where he stood, he could hear the pounding of his heart. </p><p>Peter met his eyes to see that unreadable expression, but if he stared long enough into them, he could very nearly see hurt and that made him feel suddenly sick.</p><p>“I don’t understand, do you….Do you want that?”</p><p>“I…I don’-I don’t know, okay? I’ve just been thinking the past few months about things and, just forget it. I’m sorry, forget that I said anything about it.” He said turning and starting to walk away again.</p><p>He got two steps before Lucian grabbed his arm pulling him back, he moved to stand in front of him still tightly gripping his forearm.</p><p>“I don’t want to hurt you, I promised that I was never going to hurt you.”</p><p>“I know that, I’m not saying kick my ass or shoot me in the leg. I’m just saying and I know it has to hurt like Hell, but I….I love you and when I think about the fact that even if you never get killed that someday regardless of everything that I will die. I don’t want that, I used to, we both know I used to want to die, but I don’t want to. Not now, I don’t want to leave you.” The words spilled past his lips in such a frantic mess, his voice cracking, heart pounding making him feel lightheaded as if he might vomit and pass out right on the spot.</p><p>“You can’t just say you want to be a lycan just for me, just because you’re scared of…” He trailed off swallowing hard as if uttering the word death was too much for him.</p><p>“Doesn’t have to be right now, I just, I’ve been thinking about it, about us.” Peter placed a hand against his cheek, he smiled softly when Lucian leaned into his touch nuzzling against the palm of his hand. “Could be like a marriage y’know except like more permanent, because we’d actually be together forever.”</p><p>“Until you regret it or decide you don’t want to be with me.”</p><p>“No, that wouldn’t, I wouldn’t do that to you. You know that, I’ve been here this long, nearly two years, and yeah, I know that isn’t a lot of time, but it is for me. I love you Lucian, I fucking love you so much and that’s terrifying, then I think about dying and not seeing you again and that kills me. I just want you, that’s all I want.” He placed his hand on the back of his neck pulling him into a desperate kiss just to keep him from responding for a moment.</p><p>Lucian backed him up until he felt the roughness of tree bark scratching against his bare shoulders, he placed a hand on Peter’s hip his fingers pressing against him as he held him closely.</p><p>“Think about it. Please.” He whispered against Peter’s lips, his voice sounded so broken and terrified.</p><p>“I will, promise.” He responded before kissing him again. “You mad at me?”</p><p>“Never”</p><p>That was enough for him, to know he wasn’t angry with him. He still felt a mix of a lot of emotions, he knew once they returned to Vegas he could drown those mixed emotions with a lot of alcohol and some cocaine, maybe he’d feel differently in a day or two, or feel more strongly about this by then. At the moment pressed back against a tree kissing Lucian as if they wouldn’t see each other ever again he felt so fucking certain about what he wanted to do, what they should do. He was very willing to do anything if it meant eternity with the first and only person to see him.</p>
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